It's about what you make of what you got.

2009-04-15T20:39:00.002+08:00

"It's time to say goodbye to a number of people and places that no longer have any meaningful roles in your life. You're an independent soul by nature so you should be quite happy to set out on a new adventure, taking life as you find it."

Caught this piece of horrorscope inside a copy of 8 Days. Should I exercise it? Should I just say goodbye to the one that seemingly no longer holds any meaning to me anymore? Am I even holding on to one? If so, what's the point of holding it if it begs to be let go?

It's just too heavy for me to hold on to it. I know it would be sad for me to let it go but it's even more sad holding on to it.

2009-04-04T00:42:00.001+08:00

Fading friendship..

Nothing in this world last forever..

Why do all good things come to an end..

2009-03-08T01:28:00.002+08:00

I'm dead tired. Have to have a lot of rest.

Why do I feel a sense of lost even though it's not lost?
Why does it seem I have no one to confide to even though I have?
Why does it seem I'm not happy when I should be?
Why do I seem like tearing when I shouldn't be?

Will I ever have answers to my riddles?

2009-02-25T00:15:00.004+08:00

I marvel at how powerful a song can be. It has the ability to evoke one's emotions by triggering past memories associated with it.

I guess music is a neccessity to us. No single day would pass without that dosage of tunes to our ears. We tend to relate a certain song with some particular moments or maybe someone in our life. They can be intended or unintended.

(continuation of this entry is at my secret blog)

2009-02-21T23:53:00.000+08:00

111 days to ORD !! :)

2009-02-15T19:15:00.002+08:00

I'm able to blog again! For the past 1 month or so, I'm not able to access the internet because my laptop was sent for repair. Feel good to make a comeback.

I'm kindda lazy to write about what happened for the past months.

Just want to say that right now, I have all reasons to be happy. Nothing beats seeing your bestest friend happy. (:

2008-11-15T22:03:00.003+08:00

I've not been updating religiously. I guess a couple of things happened but I don't know how to story it all out. Besides, I guess I have short term memory. Heh. :P

I shall just post lyrics.

Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

2008-10-26T03:39:00.001+08:00

Finally. Touched down Singapore. 17 days. That's the longest I'd ever been in a country outside of my own. Quite an experience. I had to endure the tiring but bearable works but what's important was that I acquired skill that would be of use in the future. It's all worth it.

But there's one downside. The things that I had to leave behind in Singapore. My family, my friends and especially my bestest friend. Who knows my buddy needed me and I would feel guilty not being able to be there. The least I could do was to hope and pray that my best friend was taken care of.

But my stay there is over. I'm back in Singapore. I'll be ever ready to be there and cater to the emotional support my best buddy needs. (=

*hugs*

2008-10-07T11:46:00.000+08:00

Today's the date I was born 22 years ago. It's my birthday. (:

Kind of a quiet birthday but it's the most meaningful one. To the people mention below. Random orders.

Yee Shan
Zelia
Daphne
Nic
Nicholas
Hana
Yi Yan
Cheryl
Adrian
Wen Kai
Mariati(sis)
Farida(mum)
Anna
Audrey
Hui Fang
Priscilla
Paulina
Treasa
Rick
Jerrine
Stephanie
Feraldine
Allison
Diyanah
Ervinna
Caryn
biteme
Qiao Ling
Izzat
Ariff
Farhan
Chua
Raul E
Tiffany
Laydee(Shida)
Leo
Eunice

I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for the birthday wishes. I hope I never omitted anybody as far as my memory can remember.

I want to thank my dearest buddy, lUlu. She completed my birthday. The reason why my birthday is the most meaningful one. (:

2008-10-01T10:41:00.000+08:00

It's my best friend birthday tomorrow. I'm contemplating how to surprise her. Hehe. Hmm..

(:

2008-09-29T11:54:00.000+08:00

I guess I do a little update before my blog accummulates to much dust. Heh. :P

On a Friday night, me and NS mates played soccer at 'The Cage' which is situated near Kallang Leisure Park. Never played soccer in a long while so I guess I'm a little rusty. The game sure is fast-paced and I found myself panting heavily at the end of it but it was fun overall. Hee. View the pictures here.

I thought I could meet my best friend after that but she was busy working in the F1 areas so I headed home. (:

Today, I went to Marina Bay alone to watch the F1. Like the thousands there, I caught the F1 bugs. Must experience the events or I'll have to wait till the next year to see F1 in Singapore again. Armed with my digicam, I tried to capture those speedy machines. Had a hard time capturing even a decent one even though I'm close to those cars racing. My digicam's shutter is just darn slow. Gotta buy a new better digicam if I have the money.

I think I grew a little deaf as a result of the deafening sounds of those F1 cars passing by. Haha. Anyways, the pictures' here.

Peace & goodnight folks.

2008-09-21T06:52:00.000+08:00

9 more days of fasting and that's it. Time really did flew fast. Hari Raya is around the corner. So is my Taiwan's trip. Looking forward to it.

having a wonderful best friend is enough. beats everything hands down. (:

agree?

2008-09-15T22:05:00.000+08:00

Promoted to my next higher rank, Corporal. Yeayness! 20 dollar more to my allowance. Small amount but it does make a difference.

Halfway through fasting. 15 more days to go.

Jiayou!

2008-09-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

Went to view Suntec Dance Final @ Fountain of Wealth with my NS mates. I thought the competition start at 5 but it was at 7PM. So we walked around for a bit before we headed to the location. Before that, we bought meals for us to break fast.

Not going to elaborate much on the dances displayed but definately there'll be some dancers who caught my eyes.

Truthfully, the rain spoilt the day lah. We scurried for shelter. Lol. We didn't stayed for the results' announcement but we did stayed to see a band performing all the familiar songs. We went back home after that..

Seeing her from afar. Stealing glances. My eyes didn't manage to catch her face. I no longer have the courage to go to her. Something tells me that she doesn't want to see me. Am I being forgotten..? Am I being parried away further and further from her..? This feeling sucks.. really but what can I do?

Well.. I guess all I could do is hope and pray that she's doing well in her life. Dear God..please bless her with the happiness that she needs. Dote her with your love and care. Amen..

2008-09-04T00:06:00.002+08:00

What's up with the picture of Dawn Yeoh? Haha..

Most people have celebrities, artiste, actor, actress they admired. So I figured, it's not wrong for me to have one too right? :P

Dawn Yeoh is cute, sweet and I'm captivated by her megawatt smile. :P She's the type I would normally fall for.

But but..even as attractive as she is, there's someone much cuter & sweeter. One who captures my heart like no other though unknowingly.

Don't know lah. I'm just destined to fall for someone who would never fall for me.. Oh well..

I'm still happy. Happy for the fact that I have special people in my life. They know who they are. They mean so much to me.. (= Loves.

goodnight!

2008-09-02T06:30:00.000+08:00

❥❥❥.. (=

2008-09-01T05:49:00.002+08:00

❥.. :P

2008-08-31T03:08:00.002+08:00

just a lil update i guess.

i'll be in taiwan from 6th to 26th oct for some exercise. that means, i won't be able to celebrate my birthday in singapore! :(

but i guess, it'll be an experience celebrating my birthday overseas.

fasting month is about to start. 2 more days. lol.

i still retain this feeling i have or rather been feeling. it's like it's been reborn all over again. i have this guts telling me she knows. but it doesn't matter, really. what matters is that she maintains her happiness.

i just miss her. i remember a message for a meet up after her exams at the end of august. i guess i'm waiting because i don't even dare to ask her out. ):

whenever i hug my bolster, it feels like i'm hugging her or how i'm longing to hug her.

Just for the record, my handphone can't be SMS-ed or CALL-ed. I won't be able to receive neither. I'm reachable via MSN for now..Peace.

2008-08-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

Went to view Suntec Dance Competition semifinal. It was nice. My personal favourite group is Electroshock. This group is made of poppers. They are creative with their music mix and all. I'll be rooting for them in the finals if they got in. Now I have no clue who's in the finals because I did not stay for the results.

I bought KFC meal and made my way to Esplanade. I began realising that there's a lot of people. I never know Esplanade could be this crowded. Then I realised that there'll be fireworks display. I decided to wait and view them. I search high and low for some seatings so that I could eat my KFC! After I consumed finish, I headed to that Esplanade's stage waiting for some bands to perform. Suddenly I heard screamings and there were flashing of lights. Fireworks' about to start! Splendid sight I tell you. Best fireworks I'd ever seen. Too bad, I never had my digicam with me. And too bad, I'm viewing this fireworks alone but nvm..at least I have the crowds with me. Hearing them shouting with joys makes me happy. Hehe..

After the fireworks, I stayed on a little while to hear bands and singers perform. I did not stay for Jonathan Leong's. I reckon if I stayed, I'd missed my last train towards Choa Chu Kang. True enough, I caught the last train.

Nights people. =p

2008-08-23T15:05:00.000+08:00

Precious.

2008-08-18T00:22:00.002+08:00

Rekindled feelings? I don't know..

I thought I have succeeded in moving on and just forget this feelings. I tried to occupy myself doing things, sometimes even unnesessary one just to get her out of my mind but I guess I failed.

Even as I'm typing this, I'm thinking about her. How I wish she knows how I feel. How I wish she knows how much I'm missing her. How I wish she knows that I still care.

Wait..! *slaps myself* She shouldn't know about this. I'm holding on tightly to my promise letting this all be just a silent love, an untold love. I don't want to confess whatsoever. I just want to silently support, pray and love her. That's all I want to do. Let her be happy always.

She's having her exams now. Hope she'll make it through. Press on!

2008-08-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

I was planning to doze off before this but I got restless. I suddenly felt like blogging. Somehow acquired the inspirations to write this.

Ok. let me first flashback to 9th of August. Yes. My soil's birthday and I was part of the National Day Parade's contingent.

*Clear throat*

So, finally the day had arrived. After months of rehearsals culminating all the way from Nee Soon Camp to Bedok to actual location at Marina Bay, I or rather we had finally reached this stage. We came a long way shedding tears, sweats and blood in the process. I thoroughly enjoyed my NDP's journey. This is definately once in a lifetime thing for me and I'm glad I'm experiencing it. There's nothing like the togetherness, the brotherhood & sisterhood, the camaraderies forged undergoing through it all. All this equates to beautiful memories that I'll keep for the rest of my lifespan. I'm deeply proud beyond words. Thank you CSS for selecting me to be involved in this. CSS! Chio Swee Swee! :P

The day after, I saw myself on TV on the encore telecast. Those who didn't catch it, too bad. *Thick skinned*. Haha!

Actually ah, that was the only important event that happened in my life and since it's over, I feel so empty. I'm getting used to not doing anything on a Saturday. I'm back to my boring life. Sigh..

2008-08-17T22:59:00.002+08:00

tian ah!

so many important things had happened and I have not blog about it. Guilty! Guilty! Gotta find a time!

sorry people!

2008-08-02T23:11:00.001+08:00

National Day Preview is over. Whew.. It's National Day time next Saturday. I'm sorry, I can't type long. I'm tired.

Soon k..?

2008-07-30T00:16:00.000+08:00

Name 20 people you can think of right now. Dont read the questions till you named the 20 people. At the end of this, choose 10 people to do it.

1. Cheryl
2. Allison
3. Dawn
4. Ervinna
5. Farhan
6. Germaine
7. Audrey
8. Shaheera
9. Yan Yan
10. Andy
11. Treasa
12. Mei Xian
13. Zelia
14. Yee Shan
15. Caryn
16. Jessalyne
18. Nicholas
19. Sherry
20. Rene

How did you meet 14?
- Through StageArts. One of my best dance mates around.

What would you do if you never met 1?
- I wouldn't have a good buddy.

What if, 9 & 20 dated?
- Odd combi. But Rene would tore off Yan Yan anytime. Haha.

Will 6 & 7 date?
- They don't know each other I believe.

Describe 3?
- Small. Cute.

Is 8 attractive?
- In her own ways. Everyone is.

Describe 7?
- Small? Sweet but don't be deceived. Haha. But she's definately not one to be messed with but she get's bullied easily by me.

Know any of 12's family members?
- Nope.

What will you do if 18 broke up?
- I don't think he's attached.

What language does 15 speaks?
- English and I guess she could speak some malay. She's a malaysian.

Who is 9 going out with?
- No idea? Her work colleague maybe or dance friends.

How old is 16?
- I guess she's er...18.

When was the last time you spoke to 13?
- Few days ago at StageArts' Production.

Who is no.2's Fave band/singer?
- I don't know. Woops.

Will you ever like 4?
- As a friend. Yes.

Will you ever date 1?
- She's my dearest buddy. :P

Is 19 single?
- I don't know.

What's 10 last name?
- I don't know. Sorry dude. Haha!

Would you ever be in relationship with 11?
- LeXiang would kill me. Haha. Nope.

What is the school of 3?
- She was from NYP but I guess she's working in NYP now?

Where does 6 lives?
- Bedok. I don't know in details.

Favourite thing about 5?
- He likes to joke.

Now sabotage 10 people to do this survey!

Audrey
Jessalyne
Cheryl
Huifang
Germaine
Caryn
Treasa
Mei Xian
Zelia
Yee Shan

What you waiting for? :P

2008-07-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

Seeing others moving on in their life is a delightful sight. I wish I could do the same but there'll always be something holding me back.

This niggling feeling of mine.

Why do I have to fall for someone I shouldn't be falling for?
Why do I have to fall for someone knowing that she'll never be mine?

I have a lot of 'why' unanswered. I rather have it not answered.

I dare not confess to her. I don't want to risk seeing her unhappy.

I want to care for her like I used to. I want to shower her with as much love as I used to but it's beyond my ability to do. I wish I could. God..tell me how to because I can't seem to do those anymore.

I believe she's happy and I definately be glad to learn about that.

Just in case, she's not.. I'll be praying every night before I sleep that she'll be happy.

Dear God. Please let her stay happy. Bless her with all of Your love. Bless her with all that she deserve. Friends, family's love and all the things that keeps her happy. Please let her know that she'll never be alone because there'll always be someone who's willing to be there for her emotionally if she needs so.

Amen..

2008-07-27T07:45:00.000+08:00

I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.. I'm just following my heart..

Sigh..

2008-07-23T21:07:00.004+08:00

Watching from afar is all I can afford to do. I don't want to judge but I can sense that she's not really doing ok but I can't really do anything about it. I want to care. I want to be there for her but I can't seem to muster enough courage and strength to really do so. I'm very very afraid to do so. I don't know why but I did tried somehow..

I'm still true to keeping my feelings hidden. I'll be a secret love and an untold love but I have to admit that I probably won't be able to hold this for long but I will try my very best to keep it just inside of me and me alone. I know. It aches but I believe this is the best thing to do. I've lost her as my [...] and I definately don't want to lose her any further..

I want to smile but I can't seem to smile for now..

Goodnight all my beloved friends..

2008-07-22T00:16:00.003+08:00

Just have to write this entry. I want to pour out my feelings and my blog never fails to listen. Besides, I can't seem to find anyone whom I can confide to. No one seems to be here for me.

It's just so hard. The more I try to withdraw away from this feelings, the more developed it becomes. It just gets deeper & deeper. This gets to the point where I'll just grow more and more afraid. I fear what would happen as time passes by. I never mean to feel this. I don't want to be in love but I can't help it. It never fails to get the better of me. I know love is neither right nor wrong but I can't help feeling wrong. I mean..how could I possibly fall for her?

Honestly, I miss her. I miss showering her with much care like I used to. I miss what we were. Awhile ago, I was browsing through my past friendster's testimonial and I specifically read those that are from her. It made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I've never felt that much love even as her [...]. I remember clearly the connection we shared one particular day when we were playing a particular game. I treasure so much my BMT days especially at night. The messages that were exchanged. Sad that there's no more of it anymore. It can never be brought back. I'm even more sad at what we are now. I regret neglecting her. I regretted so many things in life but I regretted this the most.

I still care. If only I'm given a chance, I would want to take good care of her.

Anyways, nothing beats seeing her happy. I believe she's being cared for much more than I do and I just have to be glad about it.

I'll never want to confess my feelings to her even if it aches so much to keep it inside of me, I will not. At least I'll try not to.

All I ever wish for is for her to be happy, to continue flashing that sweet smile of her. Yep..

Goodnight everyone..

2008-07-20T20:04:00.000+08:00

A lil update.

20 more days to NDP! Wee..! Can't wait!

2008-07-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

It's nice to hear her voice. It just melts my heart...

2008-07-13T23:39:00.001+08:00

I suddenly acquired the inspirations to write. This plus the urge of not keeping it bottled inside of me inspire me to blog this entry.

I Yahoo-ed on 'true friendship'. No clue why I did that but I figured out I could learn in greater details about being a true friend. Something I guess I'd never been and would ever be to anyone no matter how hard I tried. I have this tendency of trying so hard but it would end up inevitably wrong. I wondered where it all gone wrong but most of the time, I end up having only myself to blame. I've no idea how many people whom dearly mattered to me I'd lost. It won't ever be understood the great deal of tears I'd shed because of this. Up to the point that I grew numb to it. But I know that my tears are just accumulating and I might just burst my water banks. I hope this will never happen to me. I'm praying hard.

Ok. Going back to Yahoo search results. This is what I gathered. There are answers and also what I have to say about it.

A true friend always finds time for you

Irrespective of whether your friend is busy or not, the fact that you need his/her help has a higher priority. Therefore a true friend will put aside everything else and come over to give you a helping hand in whatever you need.

"As far as I know, I put friend first before anything. I can lose any other thing but I can't afford to lose a good friend." - Lil Fir

A true friend is always on your side even though you are losing

The ultimate test to verify if someone is a true friend is when you are going through difficult times. When you have money and you offer drinks on the house, everyone smiles and says that you are a great person. But when you’re broke or down, not everybody will stand by you to listen to what you have to say. Only true friends will stay.

"True friends are worth more than all the money in the world.." - Lil Fir

A true friend respects your opinion

Even though you don’t agree with your friend about something, s/he will still respect your ideas and agrees that you don’t agree on that particular point. A true friend values your friendship more than the topics that you don’t agree on.

"I will always try to understand my best friend. No misunderstandings between us should break us apart.." - Lil Fir

True friendship is shown through small things

A true friend shows that s/he cares by giving attention to small things like remembering your birthday. Even though you may have not met for a very long time, a true friend would still remember about your birthday, for example.

"All those SMSes..I really put my thoughts into it.." - Lil Fir

A true friend gives without waiting for something back

Friendship is give and take but it does not necessarily happen in a sequential manner. A true friend is ready to give a lot before asking for something back.

"I tend to give alot but I'm sometime guilty of asking for something in return. I'll try not to. Give and don't expect to be returned.." - Lil Fir

That's probably about all I would gather for now.

Sometimes, I don't ask or even question certain things because I have faith in my friendship. I don't want any small mistakes I do to jeopardise this special relationship.

But I can't help feeling alone and lonely. I know I can just go out there and enjoy my life in the day but when night arrive, it will just keep hitting back at me.

I do wonder what I'm holding on to. I've got so many questions unanswered but I guess I will never be answered.

I shall stop here, I can feel my eyes welling. Shan't go any further..

2008-07-07T22:22:00.002+08:00

32 more days to NDP! Can't wait!

I'm so enthusiastic about it man. Anxious, nervous. You name it.

Sometimes I wish it ends fast but at the same time I wish it won't end. I like experiencing the atmosphere on Saturday's National Education preview. Indescribable feeling.

Wee...!!

2008-07-01T01:36:00.003+08:00

It's 1.38am as of now. I can't get to sleep when I'm supposed to. I teared awhile ago. Wondering why..

Sometimes I cry for no reasons. I hope I am..
If there's a reason.. please dear God.. tell me what it is..

Goodnight..

2008-06-29T10:39:00.002+08:00

I got this picture from the NDP's website. I'm kind of praying that they would take a picture of me at the parade. Haha. Nonetheless..

I'm damm proud to be a part of this. (=

2008-06-28T23:46:00.003+08:00

Another Satuday. Another NDP rehearsal. Another tiring day. Almost fainted out there in the scorching hot sun but it's ok. I'm doing this for the love of my nation. Hehe. (=

I miss her..

This feeling is getting deeper by the day. I wish I've never felt this feeling in the first place but can I be wronged?

I'm very sure no one else knows about my feelings except for one. Only my best buddy knows.

But you know, let me just say it again and I'm probably going to repeat it over and over again. It's enough knowing that she's happy. Nothing else matters.

I'm not going to confess to her. I'd learnt from my past mistakes and I'm not going to repeat it.

But.. it's hard to let it just stay within myself but I have to do it. I believe it'll be worth it letting it just be an untold love. A secret love. I'll bear with it..even if it have to mean that I have to lie and deceive myself..

I have no other choice. This is what I can only afford to do now..

Goodnight peeps.

2008-06-26T00:22:00.001+08:00

My forehead near the eyebrow's region is aching and hurting like mad. Felt like something is applying pressure on it. Ahhh....!!

Pain pain..!! )=

2008-06-22T23:00:00.002+08:00

Spent almost half a day with my dearest buddy. It's always good to catch up. Went to Causeway Point. Ate at Banquet, drank at Starbuck. Dance session after that and of course the quality conversations that we had.

As I was on my way home, tears welled my eyes but I did not cry. I never ok? I came to realise just how much our friendship means to me. Thanks for assuring me buddy. Our friendship WILL LAST FOREVER. THIS IS OUR PROMISE.

You know. I do have friends who are there for me besides her but most of them are there physically for me but one or two, very few are willing to be there emotionally for me like she does. That's why she's my best friend.

I'm just saying what I'm about to say in general.

Seeing is not everything. Don't believe just based on what you hear or see. Truths are all about knowing it.

Goodnight everyone!

P.S. Best friends shouldn't & can't be described with any words or actions. It's unexplainable.

2008-06-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

Knowing her was fate,
Becoming her friend was a choice,
But..
Falling in love with her was completely out of my control..

So many things in life are fated..
Just like how I'm fated to fall in love with her..

Take care everyone.

2008-06-19T15:36:00.002+08:00

On leave today. Not sure why I took it but I guess I could have ample rest before a gruelling rehearsal this Saturday.

I don't like this feeling of uneasiness but I know I have to kill it almost immediately. I don't want to make assumptions.

But I believe my 'feelings' are getting truer by the minutes. I realised just how much I'm missing her. As the saying goes, tell the person you love than you love him or her before it's too late but I just can't bring myself to. It's not so much of courage but I just want to avoid the consequences.

I shall just stick letting this love be a secret. Untold. I shall just be happy looking at her from afar, try to be her guardian angel watching over her but now, I can't seem to tell whether she's happy or not. Pray she is, hope she is. Amen..

2008-06-16T01:00:00.002+08:00

I just love how the Muttons from 987FM label FHM as Furry Hairy Monkeys. Hahaha! Check out their podcast's audio here, http://www.podcast.com.sg/987_muttons.asp

Is this feeling diminishing? Kind of hoping that time would prove my feeling wrong. It wasn't right in the first place.

She doesn't know about this anyways. I promised myself not to reveal it or confessed it to her. It's more than enough, even more than anything I could ask or hope for, knowing that she's happy. I don't want to do something stupid like saying I love her. We used to be close but we're far in distance now. I know I can never closen the gap but I don't want to make it wider at the same time.

Can't help but reminisce the time of old. The time when I just got enlisted into NS. I'm not refering to my soldier's life by the way. Those memories are beautiful. I'm happy and sad at the same time thinking about it. No use wishing for it to come back. It's possible but things would never be the same. That's reality for me.

But she's happy right now isn't she? Nothing else matters to me. I'm happy because she is. (: Hope all her dreams and wishes come true. If I'm fit to be her guardian angel, I would. I just want to look at her from afar. Just in case, she's feeling down, I hope I could be there for her. That's all I wanna do...

Goodnight people..

2008-06-15T22:42:00.002+08:00

Just as I was about to recover fully from my sickness, my eyes caused problem. I think it's due to the contact lense. I peeled it off and never wore it for the day.

But...arrgghhh! My sore eyes were painful like nobody's business. Felt like I was crying but I was not. Felt like being stabbed in the eyes. Sigh..

Watched Kungfu Panda yesterday. The plot was incredibly simple and short but the movie was funny. Had my fair share of laughter.

Goodnight everyone..

2008-06-12T23:18:00.001+08:00

The lack of sleep and the tiredness have taken it's toll on me. I've fallen sick. Down with a headache, fever and a sore throat.

Sigh..)=

2008-06-11T00:29:00.001+08:00

Tired to the core. Might just fall sick soon..)=

2008-06-09T21:29:00.002+08:00

This song is significant to me. It was then and it still is now.

Ne-Yo - Because Of You

[Harmonics]
(Ouu Ouu Ouu)
(Mmdouou..ooh)
(Ouuohh Ouuohhouuoh wouh)
(Mm..ah)

[Verse 1]
Want to but I can't help it.
I love the way it feels.
This got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real.
I need it when I want it.
I want it when I don't.
Tell myself I'd stop everyday,
Knowing that I won't.

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I.. (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did, I don't know if i would quit
But I doubt it. I'm,
Taken by the thought of it..(mmm mm)

And I know this much is true (mmmmm)
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you (mmmm)
I can barely move...but I like it,

[Chorus]
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because...
Never get enough,
She's the sweetest drug. (Oowuuu)

[Verse 2]

Think 'bout it every second,
I can't get nothing done.
Only concern is the next time, I'm 'gon me some.
Know I should stay away from,
Cause it's no good for me.
I try and try but my obsession, won't let me leave.

[Hook #1]
I've got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if i would quit
But I doubt it. I'm,

Taken by the thought of it. (mmmm) (heeyh..)

And I know this much is true, (mmmm)
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you, (strung out on you..)
I can barely move...but I like it, (but I like it..)

[Chorus]
And it's all because of you (all because of you) (aey!)
So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because...
[these lyrics are found on http://www.songlyrics.com]
Never get enough (Never get enough..)
She's the sweetest drug.

[Hook #2]
Ain't no doubt.... (no doubt heayh)
So strung out. (Strung out heeayh)
Ain't no doubt....
So strung out. (heahheh!)
Over you,
Over you,(yooouuu)
Over you(yooouuu)...

[Harmonics]
(Mmouhh)

(Because of you)
(And it's all because of you)
(mm)
(Never get enough)
(She's the sweetest drug)

And I know this much is true (Truuuuue)
Baby, you (baby yoou you you you) have become my addiction (become my addiction)
I'm so strung out on you,
I can barely move...but I like it (and I like it..yeaheh..)

[Chorus]
And it's all because of you (aey!)(all because of you)
So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because...
Never get enough (Oooh never get enough)
She's the sweetest drug,

...She's the sweetest drug...

2008-06-09T13:48:00.002+08:00

I'd gotten a chance to finally think deep about what I'm feeling. I was somewhere outside and not at home. I stared longingly at the vastness of the skies and answers seemingly begin to sink in. I'm enlightened now. Since I've been thinking of her, dreaming of her and the absence of her in my life making me miss her, it's safe to say that I've fallen for her. I asked myself why but I don't really have an answer to that. It's not something I intended and it's not something I wanted to feel but I supposed I'm just destined to be caught in this emotional attachment.

She most probably doesn't know and I don't want her to know either. I have no plan to confess to her and let her know. I shall just let this be an untold love. A secret love perhaps. Though I miss her, I'm contented watching her from far and knowing that she's happy makes me happy. I pray that God will always keep her happy. ((:

Big Groove 2008

2008-06-08T14:14:00.001+08:00

There'll be big groove later. Dance galore at it's best. Can't wait to see it!

Tired out

2008-06-07T23:46:00.002+08:00

I guess it's true. I mean, more tiring days are to come.

Ran 6.4KM to prepare for Army Half Marathon(AHM) yesterday. That was the very first time I covered such distance. Sastifaction felt upon completion.

I had NDP rehearsal just now. So guess how much I'm tired out. My leg's literally screwed.

I guess time is slowly revealing 'it'. I dreamt of her. But I still think it's best just to be an illusion. I know it sounds like I'm giving it up but if I could, I want it to fade away.. I don't really want my heart to be filled...

It's enough knowing that she's happy. Let it be that way forever. If I could make her happy even if it's just a bit, I'll be joyed.

I miss her. Don't know how it would be like if I see her around. I hope things won't get the better of me. I know certain things can't be controlled but for the sake of keeping a friendship, I have to control. I've reiterated that it's just best for this feelings to be kept inside the heart..

Ok, I'm going to knock out now.. Tired.

2008-05-30T22:40:00.003+08:00

I forgot when was the last time I cried. All this while, I been rather hard-hearted. I didn't cry when watching touching movies or emotional scenes on TV. I supposed I'd been numbed.

But just a while ago while lying in bed trying to get to sleep, tears gush out of my eyes. My thoughts sparked it. I was just thinking about the friendships I'd lost. Precious friends, those who really mattered to me. And the thought that I can't afford to lose anymore of them made me cry..

Please do not leave Lil Fir.. You all mean so much to me...):

2008-05-29T23:03:00.002+08:00

How to tell I like someone?
How to know whether it's true?
I've been asking myself a million one time..
But I guess, it's always best kept inside the heart..
Let time and fate decides..

I'm gravely missing someone..
1/2 of me hoping she knows..
1/2 of me hoping she doesn't know..

I don't know..
But of course, 1/1 of me hope she'll always stay happy..
With her cutesy loud voice, adorable smile..
Hehe..(=

2008-05-27T20:31:00.002+08:00

I guess whatever I'm feelings have to be put on hold or something. I'm void of space and time to think about it. Been either occupied or just too tired. But even when I'm not pondering about it, it'll always find ways to make me sad about it. I'm trying to shrug of this feelings and thinking of mine.

I know.. One day I have to face it but I hope that one day will never come because I foresee unwanted consequences. It's enough I've lost people who really mattered to me and I can't bear to lose anymore. It's heartbreaking. Sometimes, I wonder if they feel the same way I do. I supposed they are living happily without me in their life. Well.. at least they are happy and I won't ask or do anything more.

Back to whatever I'm feeling or thinking. I still don't know. What I know.. I'm just plainly missing someone. I believe and I hope she doesn't know about it.

I'll still find ways to be happy. I ought to be happy anyways because she's happy and all smile.

I'm planning to do something...(:

2008-05-25T19:03:00.003+08:00

feeling down..

but i dont know why..

i hope to know why..

trying to be happy and just smile..

but there's something that seems to pull me down..

i don't know what it is..

been very tired this few weeks and i can't think properly..

God..please enlighten me..

2008-05-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

when was the last time i wrote an emo entry i wondered. maybe not too long ago.

but i doubt i'll label this as an emo entry. it's more thought based.

so here i am again penning my thoughts. confused thoughts. i'm still trying to decipher fully what i'm feeling. until now, i've yet to get the whole picture. i'm filled with uncertainty.

all i could afford to say for now is that..

i kind of miss someone right now..

2008-05-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

Went to watch What Happens In Vegas at Marina GV just now. Alone. As always. I hang around the Esplanade's bay as well. I was just staring at the venue at which the National Day Parade 2008 will be held at. I tried to imagine how it will be like on the actual day. I'm sure I'll be very proud. Can't wait! (=

Bought a gift before I headed home.

That's all for a today.

Goodnight!

2008-05-17T09:38:00.000+08:00

happy birthday. (=

2008-05-14T00:19:00.001+08:00

Short and sweet entry. But it's not sweet..

Disappointed. Sometimes, I just can't help but wonder who my true friends really are...

Sigh..

2008-05-11T22:41:00.002+08:00

It'll be a tiring few months leading to National Day Parade 2008. Rehearsals was tough. It is physcally and mentally draining me. I should learn to sleep more so that I won't feel so lethargic during rehearsals. Don't worry guys, I'll get through this! (:

I've never feel anything like this before. You see. I realised that I fallen for someone but somehow, another person manage to creep into the picture. I'm confused. I didn't mean for it to be real but when Zee observed me and tell me about it, it just sets me thinking.

I'm happy being single but who doesn't want a special someone in their life right? I keep telling myself that I'll meet my Ms Right. All I have to do is just patiently wait.

I truly miss those people who mattered to me. But I know wherever they may be, they'll always be close to me, though not in distance but always in the mind & heart. Loves.

2008-05-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

I want to write about what I'm actually feeling but I'm unsure. I've yet to catch the whole picture. It's unclear.

It's a weird feeling. Awkward may I call it? Wrong even?

Been experiencing that sort of dreams and I just can't help wondering. Lots of questions running through my mind. Is this for real? Why am I feeling this?

If possible, I want to be able to stop myself from feeling what I'm feeling. I really do not want to fall in love. It's good in a way that we're busy with our life so that I won't be able to develop this feeling. But doesn't absence makes the heart grow fonder? I don't know... Sigh..

I've made mistakes. I don't want to commit another mistakes. It's hurting to lose people that mattered to me. I might have recovered them but thing will never be the same. Doubly hurt.

I'll try hard my very best to keep this to myself. Praying hard that she'll never know. I've not told anyone even those close to me. Somethings are better left unsaid. Somethings are just best kept in the heart.

Goodnight..

2008-05-05T14:33:00.003+08:00

It's Dawn Yeoh's birthday today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

I love her sunshine smile. Cutesy voice. Hehe..:P

Today Rhythm of Life debuts on Channel 8. I'm sure to catch it later! (=

2008-05-04T20:12:00.002+08:00

I dread it. It's just heartbreaking to know that even a little wrong I did could destroy a friendship. Even if I could recover it back, it would never be the same again.

I think sorry will never be enough to bring it all back. All I could do now is just hope that they will always stay happy with whoever they are with. New friends.. New everything.

At this moment, I know I still have friends who care about me. I'm treasuring and cherishing them as much as I could. I don't want them to be out of my life. I want them. I need them. I love them.

I have this weird feeling..

As far as it's concern, I want to stay away from it. Don't want to feel this feeling. All I want to be is just a friend and that's all I ever want to be..

Patriotism

2008-05-02T20:33:00.003+08:00

Selected to be part of the National Day Parade this year at Marina Bay. I'll be in the marching contingent.

Though I know it'll be taxing me and stuff for this few months, I'm proud to represent my unit, my family and my friends to celebrate Singapore's birthday. This opportunity is once in a lifetime and I'm glad I'm in it

I'm sure I'll be embarking on an arduous but fulfilling journey. Looking forward to the actual day. Hehe.

But I sure need support from all those who mattered to me. (=

Watch for me on TV! =p

Adiyos!

2008-05-01T21:54:00.002+08:00

Songs have a powerful ability to trigger memories. Don't you guys agree?

Nothings beats seeing your friends happy. (=

Anyways, a couple of members from SA Danz Inc. went for a mini lunch outing at Plaza Singapura. I'm not going to say much about it. I'll just direct you guys to the photos at my facebook.

Danz Inc. Mini Lunch Outing I

Danz Inc. Mini Lunch Outing II

(=

2008-04-27T20:51:00.002+08:00

I think I'm having diarrhoea. What not? Been frequenting the loo. I can't remember what I ate that made me had it. STM-ed. Gawd. This is kind of scaring me in a way. I'm instantly flashed back to those hellish day.

When I was in Sec 5, I had piles or it's medical term, hemorrhoid. I remember every instances that happened from the start till my hospitalisation. That morning before school, I frequented the toilet numerous times. What came out from my assholes wasn't exactly solid shit. It was liquefied. I didn't know until later on in the day that it was actually blood. I thought I would be fine so I still headed to school that morning.

It was then I supposed, the symptom started to sink in. During the singing of the National Anthem(I miss doing this), I felt like the world is turning black, feel like collapsing to the ground but I stood firm somehow. The flag raising seemed like a long one, I just can't wait for it to end so that I could sit down. When we all finally sat down, my entire body was bathed in cold sweat. It soaked my uniform. My indian girl class mate sensed that something was not well with me but I told her I'm ok.

In class, I asked for permission to go to the toilet. I stayed in the toilet for God knows how long. It was then I realised that it was blood coming out of me. Went back to class, got my friend to help me inform the teacher about me not feeling well. I was sent to the sickbay. I was ghostly pale. Waited for my mum to pick me up to send me to the polyclinic. The doctor asked how much blood I had lost and was it more than a cup. I told him that it was much more than that. The doctor was alarmed I guess and he refered me to the hospital. Went to Alexandra Hospital and was immediately warded.

The hospital or hell-pital may I coin it was a place I dread. For 2 weeks, I was jab here, jab there. I'm like some poking toy like that. Haha. In the midst, I had to undergo through two operations. The first operation, they kind of scan my interior using a scope that goes through my throat. Though I was given anaesthetic, I was awake. It was fucking painful! I choked most of the time. I think the doctor was fed-up with me. I was tearing. The second operation not so bad I guess though I feel rather uncomfortable. This time, they scanned via my backside or precisely, my asshole. At the same time, I supposed they tied a knot somewhere inside stomach.

Other than the operations, the torment of not being able to eat food for a few days was unbearable. I can only have hot beverages. I had to travel within the hospital with drip on me. But thankful, the visitations I had kind of ease it all abit. Soon enough, I was discharged.

End of this entry.

2008-04-26T16:33:00.003+08:00

How do I even go on about saying sorry..? )=

2008-04-23T21:54:00.002+08:00

I think my conscience have finally caught up with me..

I wonder why I changed overnight..

I wonder why was I so mean..

I wonder why was I so childish..

I wonder why was I so narrow-minded..

I was never like that..

I never really mean to be like that..

I want to say I'm sorry..

But I don't deserve to be forgiven..

I don't deserve to be given a chance to reconcile..

I can't seem to sleep properly all this while.. Been having nightmares just because of all this..But I can't blame anybody but myself..

I hate myself..I really do..

God..can you please tell me what to do. Anyone..care to tell me what to do..?

I guess all I can afford to say now is that..

I'm sorry.. Really am..

2008-04-16T23:01:00.004+08:00

Just felt like writing this entry. This will be sort of like a 'dedication'. It's going out to two of the best person in my life. They are Diyanah aka my Darling Di & Cheryl aka my buddy Lulu.

Starting off with Diyanah. She's my closest friend in StageArts. I've known her for 3 years or more. We share the same passion, dancing. It's through dance that I got to know her. Yes, we had our share of conflicts, problems and stuff that threatens to spoil our friendship and stuff but she's still my best friend, my darling Di. (= She's one loyal friend. She's still there when I need her. Although we're kind of distance due to my NS commitment and her being busy and stuff, we're still good and we will always be. Nothing will break our friendship. Nothing. (=

Next up, Cheryl. I feel so comfortable talking to her about my problems. Just by confiding in her cheered me up one way or another. Thanks for all those advices and being there for me. You're one true buddy of mine! Buddy for life! (=

Of course, I appreciate all my other friends in my life. It's not like you all are unimportant to me, you guys are but both of them simply stands out to me.

They are like the pillars of my life. Without them, I don't know what would have become of me. They made me realise that life is not at all bad. If not for them, I would have just lost my sense of direction, I would have crumbled or I would just fell into some deep abyss and never gotten out of it. Thanks you two. I'm grateful for you both. I truly cherish you both from the bottom of my heart. Thanks! Hugs!

2008-04-12T16:20:00.002+08:00

Haven't got myself prepared yet to go to DXO later with the rest. Not that I don't want to go, I'll still go but I guess I'm a tad lazy. Been tired. I'll go get ready in a while. In the meantime, I reckon, I write a lil' something.

I know. I'm amazed myself that I'm able to be this strong. I wonder where I got this strength from. I swear I've not dropped a single tear for quite sometime now. Kind of not used to it but I believe I'll be in the end. It's just a matter of time.

I'll be lying if I say I do not feel anything. I do still feel a lil' knot in my heart. I'd like to think of the knot as a rope. Even if I managed to untie it, the rope would still appear bent. Right? I do still feel a lil' hurt but I know I have to move on. I'm already moving on. Like I said, it's just a matter of time. Time heals everything.

I lie in the comfort knowing that I'd love and lost.

I'm grateful to my friends who'd been there for me and still being here for me. Can't thank you all enough.

I'll not stop believing in love.

Maybe I'm not destined to meet my Ms Right yet. Maybe I've not seen her yet. Maybe she passes me by and I did not realise it. Whatever it is, I'll wait patiently for the right one to come.

For the time being, I'm just being happy. Being myself. Dancing away. Playing MapleStory? Haha. Life's too short to be sad. Lil Fir wish everyone happiness. (=

2008-04-07T23:37:00.001+08:00

Counting down to my ORD as of now..

432 days!

My God!

So long.

Time..pass fast please!

:/

Buddy Forever!

2008-04-06T22:01:00.004+08:00

I went back to playing MapleStory. Been eons since I last played that game. My main character was hacked so I decided to start a new character. Rearing bandit this time round.

Yesterday's evening, I met up with my best buddy, Lulu at Admiralty. We ate at KFC. I had my meal and she had her bubbletea. We decided to dance somewhere so we headed under some blocks. We exchanged steps and dance techniques. It was fun. We snapped some pictures too. I head off from there close to midnight. Below are some of pictures taken.

Toy soldier?

Catch me if you can.

My true buddy. (=

Her jazz pose better than mine. :/

What was that Lulu? :P

Lazy to rotate this pic. Haha. (=

Flying off?

Shouldn't have worn black. :/

Blurred.

Tired after dancing?

Buddy forever. Hugs. (=

Thanks buddy for hearing me out. Appreciate it alot. It cheered me up somehow. . (=